now i know why i became what i already was.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
