People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
