I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
