I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
