I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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