cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
