I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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