I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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