goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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