I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
