Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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