He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
