I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
