Need sex. Gaining weight.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
