so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
