i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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