i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
