true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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