covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Someone shit on the floor
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Randomize
