I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
