9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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