I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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