Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
