My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
