some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
is that a dick in a sweater?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
