Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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