Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
