i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
