its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
