dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
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She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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