I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
