dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
