Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
