He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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