Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
