Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i now understand why vodka
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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