Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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