well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
