i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
