I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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