beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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