Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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