if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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