Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
