Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
