I should be sponsored by Trojan
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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