I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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