i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
