He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
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I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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