Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
