sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
