Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
