And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I did not marry a roomba.
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