I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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