You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
