I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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