I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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